Cutie Sailor Suited Popuko and Pipimi!
by I Make Expensive Mistakes
Summary: Popuko and Pipimi become magical girls! It works out about as well as you'd imagine.


There was some sort of rattle at her window. Popuko gripped the pillow underneath her head, annoyed. The rattle came again, and she ripped the pillow out – throwing it at the window and hearing it _thwump_ against the glass. Nothing happened, and for three seconds, she was satisfied. She closed her eyes and set her head back down on the bare mattress.

The window rattled again. Popuko's eyes shot open, blood-shot, and she turned towards the window with murderous intent. Through the glass she could barely make out a shadow of _something –_ she strode towards the window, grabbing the sill and throwing it upwards.

She thought it was going to be a bird, or a cat, or a magical troll or something. But it was the fattest, fluffiest chinchilla she had ever seen. Just sitting there on the sill, looking up at her with dark eyes. It opened its mouth and spoke with perfect human speech; but it sounded like the announcer of an infomercial. "Ms. Popuko! At last we meet. You have powers beyond your own reckoning. Powers that no one can comprehend. And you are destined to save Japan. I am here to help guide you on your journey to become a magical girl ~…"

Popuko blinked. "Okay, cool. Can Pipimi be one too?"

The chinchilla paused, then, "…Uh, _yes?"_

* * *

"Everyone has a superhero name!" Popuko threw a fist at her friend.

"Well I think Sailor Pip-chan is stupid."

"No it's not, and you're stuck with it because it matches my name!" Popuko threw up a middle finger more out of habit than anything, right before driving her fist towards her friend, who teleported out of the way to avoid being hit.

"So what are you, Sailor Pop-chan?" Pipimi asked, hovering mid-air.

"You got it!" Popuko flexed her muscles like a tiny body builder.

Pipimi considered this for a moment. "That's stupid."

"Your face is stupid!"

* * *

"We didn't get a lot of training done," Popuko said, even as she stared at the entrance to the bank that was being robbed. They sort of let that happen, but they needed the practice.

"No, but practice makes perfect." Pipimi hadn't blinked in a full three minutes. She hadn't wanted to miss a thing. "This is going to be good. Just watch."

The robber came tearing out of the front of the bank. Pipimi used teleportation, appearing right in front of one of the robbers with her hands proudly on her hips, while Popuko with a blood-curdling scream descended from the roof of a taco stand where they both had been perched only moments ago.

"SUPER CUTIE SAILOR POP-CHAN AND SUPER CUTIE SAILOR PIP-CHAN, BRINGING JUSTICE TO YOUR FREAKIN' FACE!" Popuko screamed, landing on top of the burglar – but missing his head by a meter, and landing right on his legs. The burglar fell to the ground, and Pipimi grabbed the duffle bag he dropped.

"What are you doing?" Popuko screamed.

"Look at this!" Pipimi opened up the bag and shoved it in her friend's face.

Popuko stood up and went to take a look, no longer caring if the burglar got away. "Holy shitballs. That's a lot of yen."

"What do you think we should use it for? I was thinking tacos." Pipimi asked, eyes wider than normal…somehow.

"No, no _._ No tacos. Do you know how much manga we can buy with all that yen?" The squat red-head drooled just at the mere thought.

* * *

The chinchilla leaned into his friend. It wasn't fair. Guardian rats didn't have to deal with the absurdity he did.

"There, there." One little paw patted his back for consolation. "You don't have to be so upset. They're just stupid girls."

"Popuko doesn't ever stop flipping off anyone. Not even the police." The chinchilla sniffled. "And Pipimi is oblivious, just wandering around not caring about the danger she gets in. They're absolutely hopeless. How come you get all the easy magical girl trainees?"

"Not sure," the rat muttered, passing him a scrap of tissue. "It's much easier, though, if you would just start drinking on the job."

The chinchilla eyed the two girls, who were busy taking super powered swings at each other in the middle of a street nearby. He thought he saw Popuko spit out a tooth. "I'm thinking about it real hard."

* * *

"Here you go," Popuko said. "Now's your chance. That cat is stuck in a tree."

Pipimi looked up. "I don't think this is a real emergency."

"No," Popuko said. "But it could be." She picked up a rock and hurled it at the cat. The creature yowled and fell from its branch, landing straight into a garbage can.

"I don't think it's alive anymore," Pipimi casually observed.

"Maybe not," Popuko said. "Probably best. It was dangerous up there."


End file.
